Hello again

​I’ve been absent from my blog for a long time. In that time I’ve been hospitalised for 5 weeks, resigned from my job, become a trustee of a very worthwhile charity and started working out. 

We had the most amazing summer and as September begins all of my prior commitments come flooding back to me and I find the word ‘blog’ on my daily to do list. It’s taken a lot for me to finally sit down and start to type, mainly the decision that my creative output is important, as important as other items on my to do list, such as put the recycling out or to take sandpit to the dump…. maybe it’s even more important yet until today it didn’t reach the top of my to do list. 

I’m early for a dinner date with a good friend, as usual I am positively rude by showing up 20 minutes early; it makes people uncomfortable but I need to do it so I feel settled and ready to socialise. It also gives me time to go through my calendar, write in my notebook and to gather my thoughts…. today i gathered my thoughts enough to blog.

So welcome back and hello to any newcomers. 

I began a new therapy course last week which sadly I’m not allowed to blog about…..and there was one helleva lot to blog about!!! I’ll leave that to your imagination and tell you what I learnt…. apart from that people with my diagnosis’s shouldn’t be put together in a confined room and left to our own devices!!! 

Firstly I learnt that emotions rarely come as singles, but as a rush of overlaying emotions. Simple now I’ve heard that said but a revelation to my conscious mind nonetheless.

Secondly that part of borderline personality disorder is the hypo or hyper mentalising. For years therapists have explained to me that my diagnosis means I don’t mentalise (so hypo mentalise) yet I’ve never sat with that comfortably as i mentalise (hold in my mind other people’s thoughts and feelings) to a point that it becomes obsessional and to my detriment. To the point where I create whole back stories for people from a single glance. That’s hyper mentalising and that is also part of bpd but a part that I’ve not found referred to in any of the books I’ve read. 

So two new things have slotted into place for me. 

But what did I get from it? That I am not my diagnosis. I am complex and individual. And, today, I’m happy being just me. Welcome to you all. 

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