Loving in their own way

Whilst evesdropping in Starbucks I overheard a young woman complaining to her friend; “She never even texts to wish me a happy holiday. I always text her telling them to ‘have a great time’ and she didnt call me on my birthday” As if this was evidence of her ‘friends’ ultimate betrayal.

Now I am unlikely to remember your birthday. Indeed I may text Happy Birthday a few months before the occassion so at least I’ve said it!

I am a mess: Christmas cards; where you went on holiday; when you started your new job; all of these are beyond me.  In return I dont hold it against you if/when you forget. I can go months/years without speaking or seeing you but I still love you. I still care about you.  I’d still move heaven and earth for you to be happy and okay.

Friendships are precious to me and when with you I give you 100% attention.  Then in the months inbetween I’ll think of you and feel a flush of warmth through my chest.

Im not designed for the conventional girly friendship of speaking most days on the phone and meeting up each week (is that the conventional girly friendship? Television tells me it is but I’m not too sure) But I am designed to care deeply for the few wonderful friends I have.

Out of friendship I need freedom, care, interesting conversation and acceptance. In return I strive to give the same.

In the past decade I’ve lost two deep friendships, each twisted a knife in my chest. One walked away from wanting to be my friend and another had changed beyond recognition but my gosh did I hang in there until I realised that the friendships had become a form of self harm.

Many years ago a friend told me that people don’t always demonstrate love in the way you do. That doesn’t mean that they don’t love you. Talk about a revelation. That love can be love despite not looking how I love; everyone loves in their own way.

So to the girl I overheard in Stabucks, sometimes you have to accept other peoples forms of love. Love comes in many sizes, shapes and colours. The important lesson is to recognise love when you encounter it and know when it’s no longer present.


My youngest bought this picture home. It’s me. If you look closely you can see the love in it.


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