Oncoming

The summer holidays are underway. I’m juggling 6 weeks of constant parenting; of providing daily activities; breakfast, lunch and dinner; mediating the disagreements, arguments and sharing.
I did my best to prepare, booked my lovelies into various activities. A big family holiday. Therapy twice a week for me to blow off steam when needed. Play dates, play schemes, Grandparents. I did all I can.
Therapy ends in October, and the safety net I’ve had in place for 18 months disappears. The people who respond when I call in crisis, self harmed or simply can’t order my thoughts will no longer be there to placate, soothe and pat me back together, like a sand castle made out of dry sand….. From October I’m likely to fall apart, decompose, shatter…… The worrying thing is that I’ve begun already.
On the upside I start college in September, maybe that will give me the structure to keep it together, but I don’t know. I guess no-one can know their future, I’m just scared of the responsibility and isolation I forsee myself trying to manage.

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One thought on “Oncoming

  1. I hope October will be better than you expect — will be rooting for you. I’ve been thinking of how sometimes amazing things happen to give you the support you need at the right time, but you can’t see until just before they come along. Praying for a new net, a new thread to hold on to… whatever it is you need most at that time. Xx

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