Disassociation

Being disassociated is like watching yourself and your life on television; being on the other side of a glass screen; observing. As I talk to people and they ask if I’m okay I smile as widely as I can nodding; hoping they will accept what I’m saying rather than push for an honest answer. If they push I worry they’ll see the nothingness. The gap between me and the world.
The real answer of how I am is the stumbling and unsure reply of “I don’t know.” I observe the concern in peoples faces and wish I had, instead of the truth, presented them with the reassuring facade instead.
So I pretend my way through each day, each interaction. I would like to be present again and experience my life as it happens but until that unexpectedly slips back into place I’m waving at the world from behind the glass screen.

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2 thoughts on “Disassociation

  1. It’s hard to be brave and tell the truth – people often don’t know what to say when faced with that and none of us wants to cause embarrassment or concern. But blogs like yours help to inform people and hopefully end the stigma. Thank you for your openness and courage. Get well soon xx

    Liked by 1 person

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