A hopeful college student….

Currently my life is making more sense, brain thinking, able to do simple things and think about things beyond myself. My boys are relishing having a more involved Mummy and I am appreciating everything in my life, especially my family and friends, and my less tenuous grasp on sanity.
I’ve been looking at ways to extend my world, to engage with things around me. I’ve considered a job, voluntary work and some different courses.
The job and voluntary work I crossed out with the painful but realistic realisation that I would let everyone including myself down as the pressure piled on and my mental health crashed. Even the idea of letting people down makes my head churn and that’s without even being within the situation. So, chicken and egg of illness and responsibility.
Left is doing a course, I’ve joined and dropped out of some (chicken, egg again) but enjoyed day treatment; the people, the showing up, the re-learning of things I knew but had lost along the way.
I’m in a fortunate position of having gained qualifications and experience before my spectacular crash. The logical steps forward would be doing a MA course but Im so far from ready to consider that.
I was told about a local part time course for people with mental health difficulties who want to learn basic admin and computer skills. I visited the college yesterday and the way the course leader described the course, it sounded exactly what I need. The qualification isnt one i need or even likely to put on my CV, but it will mean i’ll be relearning how to learn, socialise and manage in the world. So come September I’ll be buying a new lever arch file and pencil case and heading back to college…… Excited, scared but hopeful.

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