Your money or your life

I was dressing my youngest the other day as he hummed lovingly in my ear. It was all rather perfect until he sang in a low caressing whisper “your money or your life” then carried on humming.

He repeated the loving threat a few more times while I considered the different options; well the only logical option, that he’d been possessed by a member of the mafia and was threatening me in a very disturbing manner.

I was almost relieved when I realised he was singing ‘Stand and Deliver’ by Adam Ant. Mainly because I have no idea how to conduct an exorcism.

That got me to thinking:

Captor – your money or your life
Me – ummmm okay, have my money….. £5.94……. Can I go now please?
Captor – heck you must be worth more than 6 pounds (wishful thinking on my part)
Me – oh how kind, but no. £5.94 is all I have…… Although I owe my mum £4, and the school needs £5 for my kids trip. Sorry, I’m afraid my money is taken.


I did have £7.94 but we needed some milk.

I like to think that my captor would give me a nice commiserating cup of tea and agree to let me go free with the phone number of his cousin, the local loan shark.

When I had a tick box career, with pension contributions and tax bracket thingys, the meetings with our financial manager would be OH and I putting forward documents, answering questions for our life insurance policies; discussing how the mortgage offer relied on our joint salaries. I had a voice.

Now I sit silently and shrug off questions watching our advisors face fall at my lack of financial contribution. We all verbally agree that the value of being a Mummy is high, but the real world uses money to evaluate peoples ‘worth’ and each time I state I want to be making pension contributions…… You know, planning for having a future etc….. I get told I’m not in a financial position to have one, despite working harder and longer hours than any other career I’ve had.

Hopefully OH will still want me around in 30 years so I can live off him, like a parasite that contributes homemade Christmas tree decorations.

I pointed out my lack of financial ‘worth’ to OH…..
“Well you could probably sell your clothes”

Maybe its time to shop some more and stop worrying so much about the future, but something tells me that’s not a longterm solution.


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