Slightly crumbling

A new psychologist; little adult contact; the contact I have demanding why I’m not feeling ‘fine’; a poorly child; ppl changing their appointments with me; those who said they would call, not: and I crumble.

Just in small ways to start with: forgetting to wash my hair; losing track of time; sleeping, a whole lot of sleeping. Then forgetting where I’m going; freaking out when ppl come close to me; not wanting to leave the house.
I’m holding tight to time and routines; forcing myself to be ‘useful’ so I can mark the hours but I want to hide away. Not face the world. Not today.
This will pass, and I’m trying to believe it will be soon. But I’ve seen the depths, I know how low, how dark my world can become despite all that I do. After seeing and experiencing the depths I can go its harder now to believe I can prevent myself from going there again.


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